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Writer's pictureJon Matthews

A Dog Walks into a Tavern...

‘A dog walks into a tavern,’ so starts one of the oldest documented jokes in existence, dating from the Sumerian civilization and written down in around 1800 BCE. ‘A dog walks into a tavern and says, ‘I can’t see a thing, can I open one of these?’’. Admittedly, the context is mostly lost on a modern audience but the format remains familiar, a variation on the famous ‘man walks into a bar’ joke. I have written approximately 30 of these jokes myself, though I only use about 10-12 on a regular basis. I imagine everyone knows at least one ‘man walks into a bar’ gag – they are a common part of our comedy zeitgeist and, seemingly, have been for millennia.


The Sumerian example is of particular interest to me because the Sumer civilization, which emerged around 4500 BCE, is a subject I find fascinating. Sumerians are credited with inventing irrigation, fermentation, writing and the wheel. The earliest examples of the wheel discovered by archaeologists belong to simple pull-along toys and written records seem to suggest these were the initial application of the revolutionary concept. It was only later that someone decided that a bigger version of a pull-along toy may represent a viable method for transporting goods. The impact of play on the development of culture is often overlooked but was hugely important to the Sumerians, with games and toys for both children and adults commonly found by archaeologists.


The people of Sumer were also fond of beer, with the goddess of fermentation, Ninkasi, a popular deity. She was the first god to have songs written about her.


The filtering vat, Which makes a pleasant sound, You place appropriately on top of the large collector vat. When you pour out the filtered beer From the collection vat, It is like the onrush of the Tigris and Euphrates.”

Altogether now!

The gakkul vat, the gakkul vat! The gakkul vat, the lamsare vat! The gakkul vat, which puts us in a happy mood! The lamsare vat, which makes the heart rejoice!”


These songs were part drinking melody, part recipe and part worship song. Some remained popular hundreds of years later and were parodied by the proto-Jews living in Babylon, parodies which made it into the book of Psalms. You don’t see Ed Sheeran managing that do you?


Ninkasi was not the only deity revered in the taverns of Sumer, so to was Ianna (later called Ishtar), the goddess of sex. Taverns doubled up as brothels, with curtained off sections used for the pursuit of other pleasures.


As well as beer, sex and a good sing song, the Sumerians also enjoyed jokes. Most of the jokes that survive are about farts and sex and would be right at home being performed by a lot of comedians on the modern open-mic circuit. I often wonder what the comedy scene in Sumer would have been like. Did Ur have a really good gong show? Would comedians in Eridu always struggle in other towns? Was it particularly difficult for acts from East of the Tigris to get a spot in Kish? Recently, archaeologists discovered a clay tablet dating from between 3000-2500 BCE with the following inscription, originally written in cuneiform:


Two middle 10s needed for a gig in Eridu this Thursday. No fee but progression onto more unpaid middles guaranteed for all acts who do well without showing me up. Acts from Eshnunna preferred as everyone else on the bill is from Ur.”


That Thursday, one of the middle 10s stoles the show with a joke that would still be told thousands of years later: ‘A dog,’ he begins, ‘walks into a tavern and says, ‘I can’t see a thing, can I open one of these?’’ The audience falls apart laughing, spilling their hard-earned tankards of beer.

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